THEMES THAT YOU LIKE

A personal diary of sorts.

Jojo.19. Taurus. Currently battling severe depression and anxiety (based on my specific symptoms, therapists and doctors suspect it's bipolar since it runs in my immediate family), dermatilomania and dermatophagia (OCD disorders). I enjoy nature, painting and sketching, animals, creative writing and tea. This is a place for me vent/ document my journey as I start on my first ever round of anti-depressants. If anyone needs a buddy to help them through their mental health battles, I'm always here!

Rage.

11. January 2014

I was at the ATM with my mom today. She tried to click withdrawal but accidentally pressed deposit instead and was confused. I giggled and said “Well, that’s what happens when you press deposit”. She angrily turned around and screamed “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” and continued to lose her shit if I just so happen to breathe the wrong way. I. Lost. My. Shit. YOU DON’T PULL THIS UNNECESSARY SHIT WITH SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLYYY HAS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. IT’S PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE YOU WHO ARE TRIGGERS. God fucking damn it. 

My skin picking/eating/biting disorder. Gross, I know :(

Dreams on Mirtazapine.

10. January 2014

So I just got prescribed Mirtazepine a few days ago. Not even two days in and I’m having BATSHIT CRAZY realistic dreams. They’re quite intense/uncomfortable but not full blown nightmares. Last night, I had a dream I was sitting in my bed on my laptop (like any other day) when suddenly a FUCKING METEOR hit Earth knocking it out of orbit and causing a massive shift in gravitational pull that I could feel everywhere on my body. I heard my mom screaming. Our roof had burned off. I was standing in the midst of a sky consumed in ashes and rivers of molten rock on the terrain. There was a very loud, deep and pressured buzzing noise I heard. My body felt so heavy that it felt like I was being drawn into the ground. Then my mom, along with the house, all disappeared and I was standing in the midst of what looked like hell. Then, out of nowhere, a white Arctic fox appeared in front of me and was standing on its HIND LEGS while the Earth was engulfed in lava, ashes and flames. It stood right in front of me and looked me straight in the eye. It then touched its snout on my forehead and I was jolted back awake but into SLEEP PARALYSIS. I lay there paralyzed in my bed with amorphous creatures lurking in my peripheral vision for a good 20 seconds before I snapped out of it and could finally move. They disappeared and I was back in my room. JESUS FUCK, MIRTAZAPINE